On Monday noon-ish, Ross and Toby drove out of our driveway to head home after an 11 and 1/2 day visit. I spent the better part of the day being tearful even wanting to flat out cry a few times. While I really will miss them, it wasnt just them leaving that had me in this emotional storm.
The beginning of September started weeks of busy activity that was full of fun and time spent with people I love yet also took me away from things I knew needed to get done. After a trip to New York City with friends, a sister trip to Southern California, Whitney in town for a few days, a trip to Calgary to visit Josh and Karly, Wills family visiting for about 8 1/2 days and then Ross's family life as I had known it came to an abrupt halt.
During this time, things still needed to be done, one of them our income taxes, a rather important and stressful chore. In spite of my hopes not to procrastinate again this year, I did. I also got slightly sick the last days in New York which got worse and lingered for close to 7 weeks.
So on top of not getting my paperwork done, I had this feeling of inadequacy for not being that Mom and Grammie I like to be cause I wasnt feeling so good while my company was here.
During these times of joy and fun I kept thinking, "I love all the events of the last weeks but it will be nice when life settles back down and I can get on to the things I have postponed and that I am internally stressing about."
And then it happened ... the day came. After nearly two months solid of being on the go or having people here ... it left me with a big empty. I had my so called life back. And sometimes that just hurts like crazy. Self admittedly, I have been rather melancholy all week and rather unproductive too! A part of me wishing, that the hustle and bustle, fun and visits were still "my so called life."
11 years ago
2 comments:
Oh, I know that feeling! So sorry. In Portuguese, they have a word that means something close to "I'm feeling the lack of you." It's pronounced like: sow-dodge-ease. I think it applies.
I'm sorry to hear that you've also been sick! I'm pretty sure that you're a great mom/grammie no matter what!!
I do know how you are feeling. It's hard feeling lonely, away from your family. You get so used to the convenience and the hustle and bustle. It's like going 60 to zero. It gets better and now it probably is. Beside, you have something to look forward to next week...me! Love you babe Mom.
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