Kindness

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
- Leo Buscaglia, US author & lecturer (1925 - 1998)


I wish I was perfect in living this quote! I know how nice it feels when I have it done to me.

Thanks Giving

After 2 solid months of something specific going on in my life, I finally got some good sleep and time to clear my head and think of how the next month and a half might play out. I had a lot of mixed feelings about having a holiday season unlike any I have experienced before. I could either feel sad or try to make the best of it. I dont think I really made a conscious decision but rather a decision that just evovled. I am going to make the best of a new chapter in my life.

I found myself observing people everywhere I went. There are a lot of people out there that have problems that I dont have. I dont have to think about every single penny I spend and wonder if I will have food to eat or money to pay electric bills or lose my home, I dont have to get around in an electric scooter or a wheelchair, I dont have ragged clothes, I dont need to beg and I am not alone in many senses of the word. I have a dependable car, a nice home, a job, material things of all kinds, a big family and lots of good friends.

I've found myself enjoying looking at peoples faces and observing their demeanor, even wondering about some of these people. Philip always says I like to make up scenarios about things and I admit, I do. I have been thinking about scenarios about some of the people I have been observing. I found I have been feeling more understanding, definitely thankful. I have enjoyed smiles more. All of this has made me feel happier.

I have been starting to make my plans and instituting some of them. Friday I had a most pleasant outing, armed with my coupons and this weeks ads to make the best use of my money. I bought some things I knew were the perfect things and my excitement was escalating. I went to Michaels and a mother and daughter were scurrying about the Christmas decorations and giggling. I just had to tell them how fun it was to observe them and how it made me think of times like that with my daughters and that I was a bit jealous! Later that evening we went out with Dave and Janice to James Bond and dinner followed by a visit to their house. Janice had some huge bags of clothes ready for me to take to another friend of mine which Philip somewhat grumpily loaded into the car. Janices cousin had commited suicide just a few days earlier which is always a most difficult and sad life experience. I felt happy that we could add a little bit of light into a dark week for her.

Saturday I had a busy fulfilling day. A trip to the market to buy food to fill two boxes for a community Thanksgiving food drive and then delivering them. A trip to Carson City to deliver the huge bags of clothes to my friend and sorting through them with her. It was like Christmas, there were so many fun choices of nice clothes (some still have tags on them but shhh, dont tell Dave) that she would need have to a fashion show trying them on at her leisure! She has been the recipient of Janices sharing before and knows there will be some exciting things to add to her wardrobe and to that of her son. And then she always shares the leftovers with her other friends or the needy. I came home and spent the evening with my niece Natalee who was in town visiting a friend. How many aunts are lucky enough to have their 24 year old niece want to spend time with them?! We grabbed a bite to eat, visited and went to a movie. I made treats for my Sunday School class when I got home and studied my lesson without feeling that drudgery I sometimes feel.

On Sunday in our Relief Society my favorite teacher gave a lesson on good traditions to have with our families. She is a hoot. A rather eccentric person that giggles and even jumps up and down with excitement about the things she is teaching. How can you not enjoy her message?! I always find messages about traditions to be sometimes depressing because I cannot go back and do more with my kids and worry I havent given them any or enough ... yet happy that I think we have some nice ones all the while wondering what the kids think our family traditions are? I know I have some personal ones but have I really taught them? Perhaps I dont want to know? It might distract from the pleasant attitude I have gained over this last week! :)

I think if I could hear one thing from them, it would be that they too have learned the joy of giving. I have some open ways I give and some secret ways I give. I think you need to have both. All I know is they both give me joy, however I am partial to the secret ways. I found this quote today in an email from my company and I thought it was a great tie in to how I have been feeling.

“Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.”
- Princess Elizabeth Asquith Bibesco

I have been very blessed to be able to give and there are times when I have had to be the one that took. I am grateful for both but ... I have to say, I really love being on the giving side much more!

All of this and more, are what caused my decision to evolve rather than a need to choose to be sad or happy. I am looking forward to a special and fun holiday season ... I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve!

My so called life

On Monday noon-ish, Ross and Toby drove out of our driveway to head home after an 11 and 1/2 day visit. I spent the better part of the day being tearful even wanting to flat out cry a few times. While I really will miss them, it wasnt just them leaving that had me in this emotional storm.

The beginning of September started weeks of busy activity that was full of fun and time spent with people I love yet also took me away from things I knew needed to get done. After a trip to New York City with friends, a sister trip to Southern California, Whitney in town for a few days, a trip to Calgary to visit Josh and Karly, Wills family visiting for about 8 1/2 days and then Ross's family life as I had known it came to an abrupt halt.

During this time, things still needed to be done, one of them our income taxes, a rather important and stressful chore. In spite of my hopes not to procrastinate again this year, I did. I also got slightly sick the last days in New York which got worse and lingered for close to 7 weeks.

So on top of not getting my paperwork done, I had this feeling of inadequacy for not being that Mom and Grammie I like to be cause I wasnt feeling so good while my company was here.
During these times of joy and fun I kept thinking, "I love all the events of the last weeks but it will be nice when life settles back down and I can get on to the things I have postponed and that I am internally stressing about."

And then it happened ... the day came. After nearly two months solid of being on the go or having people here ... it left me with a big empty. I had my so called life back. And sometimes that just hurts like crazy. Self admittedly, I have been rather melancholy all week and rather unproductive too! A part of me wishing, that the hustle and bustle, fun and visits were still "my so called life."

Jack Johnson

Today I found hidden in my car glove box Jack Johnsons "In Between Dreams" and I promptly played it for the first time in a long while. It was so good I just had to play it again. His music always evokes good memories and makes me feel good. I think I will get out his other CD's and have a Jack Johnson music fest. You know I will have the sound up loud!

Parents needing the kids to parent them

This post is in purple to represent what a "royal" pain the ass my dad can be for my sisters. Why them and not me? Because I am the only one that lives out of town thereby escaping his rebellious actions.

What makes a dad behave like a naughtly little boy wanting to get caught and punished and then kicking and fighting and denying? But seriously, what can you do to punish them? Instead his crazy actions punish my sisters. Its like the old addage, "when you give a kid a punishment, it is really the parent is punished" while instituting the said consequence. And they have been getting more than their fair share of being punished lately!

So is this payback?! If so, let this be a warning to all kids, "dont do anything wrong or your parents will make you suffer later in your life!"

Why is it that people live to a point that they are not functioning in an independent, sane and cooperative way? Why do they make up things and try to work one person against the other? Why is it so hard to give in to the fact that they need help and advice? These are questions that cant be answered in our life.

Apparently, it comes down to needing love. Unconditional love. And patience. Boy can he make it hard for them some days!

Why do things come in three's?

Have you ever noticed how things often come in groups of three? It seems like an old cliche' but I can see why people subscribe to this philosophy. Once again the three's struck me.

Yesterday I went to the periodontist to find out when I can get my implant done. They have digital x-rays that really show you all the things you probably wish it didnt but are glad it does. As he is looking over my teeth he informs me that, the tooth next to the one I just broke and had to lose last month, also has a short life in my mouth. Seems when I got the root canal done it poked thru the root of the tooth and is causing "problems". And did I want to do both of them at once. I am like, not only no, but hell no! I am still adjusting to losing the other one. I vote for waiting. So ... he looks a little more at my x-ray and says tell me about your front left tooth. So I said, it has had a lot of work and has worried me on how long I could keep it. He said it is problematic and we need another xray at another angle.

So he comes back in and says, here is the plan, tooth one now, tooth two before too much time and before it can cause more damage, tooth three we can keep an eye on. So there you have it, groups of three strike again.

As if that isnt discouraging enough. The cost for one is close to $3000 or $1000 x 3!

Thank goodness things only come in three's, that was enough for one day!

Get the facts Jack

Last night while cooking a late dinner, the phone rang. It was our niece, Larraine. She wanted to know where a good place to get pizza would be near South Virginia and Longley.

WHAT?!?!? They weren't supposed to be in town until NEXT Tuesday. At least thats what Philip told me after asking him about 10 times when they would be here.

Floors got vacuumed, sheets got changed, dishes got done along with some straightening got done in record time. There were almost no groceries in the house.

As it turns out, they were breezin in and out, literally. They got in at about 9:30pm and left this morning at about 8:30am to deliver their anxious son Brandon to the dorms at UNR. If they were staying we didnt even have enough milk for cereal for a family of 5 and less bread.

Sooo, next time I better call to verify the information myself so I can have some food and a clean house.

We did have a nice but short visit with family we havent seen in a very long time.

Salt pork

When was the last time you ate some salt pork? I want to say, its been years at our house. I saw some at Raleys last week and I remembered how much Philip loves it so I threw some in the cart. Tonight I cooked a breakfast dinner, his favorite heart attack on a plate! Hash browns, scrambled eggs and salt pork. There is a really good reason it is named "salt pork." The pieces are about half the size of regular bacon with about 1000 times the salt in case you've never had it. Nibbling it with a bite of the other items or taking a swig of grape juice I managed to counter act the intense salty taste. Three pieces put my taste buds into salt shock. I have no idea how many Philip ate but my tummy cringes thinkin about it! Pretty sure he ate enough to undo the effects of his medications for about a month! Needless to say, I wont be cooking salt pork again any too soon, lest I be accused of sending him to the grave prematurely!